When Your Addictions Have Addictions...

No one needs me to start this with the obvious statement that roller derby is addictive.

Roller skating alone is so fun!

Add in the competition, the strategies, the endless possibilities and challenges that come with learning a new sport...

But... There's ALSO the whole business end of things... which has it's own odd allure that doesn't get talked about as much.



So I'm gonna talk about it.

When I started my league, I pretty much knew nothing about nothing.

I mean, I'd gathered a pretty good amount of life experience, for a 24 year old, but nothing to prepare me for what running a league was like.

So there I was, learning on the job.

I quickly found that reaching a milestone or accomplishment came with a... buzz of some kind.

Like, an adrenaline rush.

It was like an instant kick of self esteem and excitement.

Simple as it sounds now, I remember when the first merch order was shipped to my house. I looked at all these shirts and thought....

Holy shit, Bonnie... You can do stuff! You can get stuff done!!!

And that feeling becomes addictive, doesn't it? The whole capability thing.

Because once you find out you're capable, you wanna see what all you're capable of! And you wanna have more of that special feeling, and you want it more all the time.

And next thing you know, you're so addicted to successes, there's no stopping to celebrate one or another. In fact, if you're not careful...

Successes and milestones can actually stop being a rush of excitement after a while, and turn into more of a constant, panicked state of mind.

And then it's possible to become completely enamored with your own capability, forgetting other people carry the same potential.

Now, don't get me wrong.

I'm personally OBSESSED with human potential. I wanna know exactly what the best version of me looks like, and make her happen.

Nothing wrong with ambition.

But... there comes a point where you can get a little unhealthy with it if you're not careful.

 And that's pretty much what I did. So I'll tell you my cautionary tale.

Well, next time I will.  : )

For now I bid you adieu. Have a super radical day today!

Here's my parting gifts!