enakblog: And Then I Had A Heart Attack.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

And Then I Had A Heart Attack.

Going back in time a bit, when I'm a skater in LA Derby Dolls still.

I don't know why this pic wants to be sideways, but it does.

The Derby Dolls heard about this re-cock-u-lous play called "Starlight Express" and we just couldn't get our hands on tickets fast enough.

I'll share some photos and perhaps you'll understand why:

Are those skates, you're wondering? Oh yes, they are.

Oh yah, it was terrible. It was wonderful.

We had a great time shaking up the regular Andrew Loyd Weber audience in attendance.

At one point the main character is calling out to her roller-lover to just... whistle to her...

She asked it so many times, looking at the audience, it was like she really wanted us to whistle or something!

Fortunately, Lucy Ballbreaker was able to oblige. And... our group (who may or might not have indulged in a few pre-show cocktails) busted up in laughter.

She has a pretty amazing truck driver whistle.

Afterward everyone went to the bar to laugh about what we'd just witnessed and have a good time.

I'm not much of a drinker, but indulge from time to time. This was one of those.

At the bar, Buddy starts talking to me about the future of roller derby, which to him always came back to men's roller derby. And I would always hear him out on that.

But this particular time, the room was spinning and I nearly fell face first into the building column that was supposed to be holding me up.

I noticed that Buddy didn't really notice my condition, and just kept going on and on.

In my... effected... state I had an oddly lucid and uncharacteristically critical thought. He only cares about himself.

Which wasn't really like me, and I was a bit tipsy anyways, (off 2 drinks, that's how I roll) so I shook it off.

Some other stuff blurred around, and next thing I know... I look over to see the most horrifying sight of my derby career...

What did I see?? It's hard to even describe...

We had this amazonian skater who was maybe 6'3 and a very sweet woman. A gentle giant, if you will.

Well, I look over to see Buddy, my coach, on her LAP, making out with her like a greedy little monkey and slapping her ass, reach around style.

Maybe it's not cool to recount bar stories, but to me this was worse than walking in on your parents doing it. It's something no derby child should see.

I can't unsee it. I can't make it go away, I'm scarred for life!

So... that was the first night I realized Buddy wasn't gonna be the idealized coach I may have made him out to be in my mind. But everybody's human, so I chalked it up to being a one time thing.

And never went drinking when I knew he'd be there again. Under these conditions, everything was cool with me and Buddy for a while.

I kept hearing scandalous stories about him, but I figured it was just people enjoying a good gossip. I didn't want to believe bad things about the dude who taught me how to skate.