Roller Derby Sociology: Part 6 (Conflict Resolution Part A)

Referring back to the polls I've been taking over the years...

There's an interesting contrast between today's roller derby, and the one I started with years ago.

Back then it was mostly aging punk rockers and 30-something-years-olds who liked to party. 

Now, there's a much broader spectrum of personalities and backgrounds then there ever was before.

And in my experience, people's different backgrounds can lead to different assumptions. 

For example, it's easy for entire leagues to intellectually agree that this is sport, and empowering female athletes.

But the assumption that's made is that everyone knows/agrees what that really means.

It means something totally different to the 22 year-old-club-kid, than it does to the 30 year old-marathon-runner-who-was-a-collegiate-athlete. 

But if these polar two opposites can find a way to be friends...

And when it comes to light that there are different perspectives within the group, conflict often arises when people feel like they have to fight for their perspective.

Assuming, perhaps, that fighting for something would somehow make it more attractive to someone who already disagrees??

And some skaters have yet to differentiate between a perspective they don't like, and a person they don't like. 

You don't have to agree with someone to respect them.

And, in my opinion, the foundation of all Conflict Resolution is coming from a place of respect.

Confession: I have a genuine desire to love, respect, and be loved by everybody in roller derby.

But that doesn't mean everyone automatically wants to love me back...

Or immediately deserves that...

Especially if I have a different perspective, and they don't know how to respect that without needing to agree on every subject.

And there's been times I've just been totally out of line, but not necessarily aware of it until I'm in the middle of a conflict.

Which could have been avoided altogether if the person had just put a little more thought into the delivery of their message.

It never needed to get ugly.

I don't want to tell you that it's possible to make everyone your friend, or make everyone love you.

I've got a handful of people I wasn't able to reach.

Not for lack of effort, on my part.

Can I tell you something crazy, though?

After all my years running SDDD, and being involved in the sport for 8 years now... there's still only a handful of people that I've completely written off.

Out of thousands of interactions and arguments. Only a handful of helpless cases.

ALL the rest were just misunderstandings that, with a little effort on my part, could all be resolved eventually. Even many that looked hopeless at the time.

I'll share what has and hasn't worked for me in the next post.

In the mean time, I encourage you to share your stories about turning a boo into a yay!

And have a fanfuckingtastically-magically-happy-totally RAD day today!

 

Parting gifts, till next time!